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Did I mentionn I hate sinus infections?? Hope this day is a pretty good one....

Well hey everyone. I went to the doctor's and I don't have strep throat but she thinks I have a sinus infection. I feel utterly miserable but oh well. After the doctor's appointment I had yesterday we went to Outback which I love. I was surprised I could eat there because my stomach had been hurting all day. But I managed to eat even though I had a horrid stomachache the entire night. And to boot Jasmine made a horrible disgusting mess of her cage and I had to clean it up. I think Katie is really mad at me and doesn't want anything to do with me. Ever since the recent events I think she is afraid of me or something. Although she did thank me for proofreading her paper yesterday. My blood related family is insane (and I don't mean that in a good way).
Oh and before I go any further I want to mention something happy. My friend/sister/clone/goofy lady Nicole is now on my friends list for the lj. Welcome!! :-) If the computer acts stupid and her entries aren't up I'll be pissed but I checked and they were so.... She is an awesome person and shares your viewpoints on my mother etc. So yay clone!!! I heart you.
Tonight at Katie's school there is a concert which I am planning to go to since Katie doesn't really have that much family. And Katie's friend Neil is coming over. His mother wants us to get married I think. *chuckles* He's a very decent guy but he's only 14. If he was somewhat older than maybe we could date. No those of you who are reading this I do not have a crush on Neil. I swear!! Now Benji on the other hand... *wiggles eyebrows and smiles devilishly*
Ok it seems as if I have written a novel so I am going to end this here. Adios.
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Feeling sick, sad, scared....

I'm quaking. Like a leaf. I'm sure part of it is do to the fact that I just don't feel well. But I'm also shaking because every minute, day whatever I have to worry that my mother will find something new to yell at me about. I have been getting relentless lectures as of late and agh. I'm also feeling emotional because for the first time in awhile I have gotten to read what has happened to everyone and know everyones reaction to the soap opera that is clearly my life. Amber, read your comment, and I'm pretty sure you are right. I shouldn't have gone back home. There is so much drama here that I no longer feel I can adequately handle. I try to put on a strong face as best I can but what I really need is a good break. No mother hounding me about how I'm a poor student, a murderer, a selfish person, and lastly she has labeled me a bitch. I just miss you all like crazy. And last night was especially hard because I really needed a hug and someone to cuddle up with but that wasn't possible. I try to be a peace maker and help my family and be supportive but I am one person. I no longer have the stamina to deal with my mother and frankly my sisters troubles. Right now I need me time to discover myself, find me. I know that since I'm young I won't ever completely find myself but you know what I need time away surrounded by people who really and truly love me....aka you guys. Dammit I'm in tears now. My mother pretty much told me that I need to get a backbone. Who knows. Maybe I do. I'm more aggressive than I used to be but I still have to work on being more so. *bawls* G-d I really need you guys. Why is life so unfair??? I need help.
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Long Time No See

Well I guess I don't really need to recap the horribleness that has been my life as of late. My life certainly isn't improving very much. My godmother who has leukemia but had been doing well for awhile has found out that her counts are up so I have to worry about her. And my piano teacher's cat got hit by a car yesterday. I went with them to the vets and to the emergency clinic. The cat's foot well leg was broken in three places and they found out that she had massive internal injuries. For example her bladder was shattered so she was put to sleep. I felt so awful. And to boot I'm not feeling all that great and mom is driving me nuts about school and Katie has a fit last night, screaming, crying the whole bit and she even was going to walk to piano. Guess who was blamed for that. If you said me then you would be correct. If my life doesn't significantly improve I don't know what I'm going to do. It seems like all the bad is piling up on my head and I feel I'm going to crack under the weight of it. I really need sister support. I really need to get away from my house for awhile. My mother doesn't really understand this. And if she loses her temper like she did about my hair and such I doubt I'll be able to hold myself together. There is only so much a body can take. Wish me luck folks. I sorely need it.
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One more thing....

I was inspired by Sarah and Melissa ---

Krystle: You are one of the sweetest, funniest, coolest people I know. Whenever I have been upset, down, or anything you have always come running. You drop everything as soon as you know I'm going through a rough patch. We really are the dynamic duo. I can tell you anything and know that you will treasure it. You give great advice, can always make me laugh and smile, you always know when I need a hug. One look into my eyes and you know what I'm thinking and what my mood is. We have so many inside jokes and little silly things that we do that are special to us. You are definitely one of my absolute best best friends and sister. 143 always and forever....

Jessie: JEEESSSIIICCCAAAA JAAAMMMEEESSSS!!!! I'm so glad I became friends with you this year. From our poking fests, to our venting sessions, to our jaunts off campus, to our many jokes I am truly blessed to consider you a sister and friend. You have been there for me countless times whenever I need a friend to complain to. You are a wonderful person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sarah: Precious!! Since our lovely shower puff game you have become like a sister to me. You and Jessie both. I don't know how many times this year I was close to tears, or needed a good laugh or someone to talk to and you were there for me. Whether it was your fun way of calling a cat, batting a piece of chicken halfway across the room, saving my notebook from being pink, or being willing to bite anyone who makes fun of my hair do I'm so blessed to have you as a sister. Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I wish you and John all of the happiness in the world.

Amber: You have done so much more than increase my appreciation for Lord of the Rings. You make me laugh, smile, and feel special. Whenever I need a hug you offer it in a heartbeat. Whenever my mother is being awful you are one of the people that offers to make her go away and thus make my tears go away. My only regret is that you live in Vermont so I won't be able to see you as much as I want. You are such a cool person and anyone who suggests otherwise will have to deal with me.

Melissa: *sister sign* *cheek thing* Getting to know you this year has been so much fun. From scaring Hersh, to our super cool signs, to our chats, to our doodle sheets in Art History its been so much fun. You are easy to talk to and a blast to be around. Whenever I need a poke or a hug you give it willingly and whether or not I want to smile I end up doing so anyway.

To those who may or may not read the live journal....

Jean: We have been close since I spent the night with Mina last year (and I got to meet Krystle!!! YAY!). You are easy to talk to and your advice is always appreciated. Whenever I'm angry at my mother or hurt by something you are there convincing me that everything will be alright and that everything has a way of working itself out in the end.You are talented and wonderful and I'm glad to call you my sister.

Allison: Ode ode ode to Allison!! You have a beautiful voice and a beautiful personality. You make me laugh and forget about my troubles. I can truly let loose around you and not worry that someone is going to think me stupid. We have had so many good times and I know we will have many more in the future. You have a sparkling personality and I'm glad you are my sister.

Ashley: Psych of Eating only made us become even better friends. We've laughed, cried, and bitched about life. You are so much fun to be with and a blast to be around. It has been such a pleasure getting to know you and I know we will continue to have fun in the future.

Katura: You are funny, sweet, and I'm so glad to be P!!!! I only wish I had gotten to know you better....

I hope everyone likes this. I hope nothing I said hurt anyones feelings. I love you guys!!!
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Yep, woke up and can't sleep....

Yesterday was rather interesting. Sarah proposed the idea of me going to get a hair cut since I had been wanting to and I went and did it!! My hair is so short now and I like it. But the thing is I am so scared about how my mother is going to react to it, I don't know how my sister Katie is going to react to it either. I could see Katie calling it a boy cut. I'm glad I went with the gang : aka Krystle, Melissa, Amber, Jean, Jessie, and Sarah. And of course watching Space Balls and LOTR: Two Towers was fun. I returned Krystle's call and we got to talking. Well I woke up after four and found my phone face down, on, and of course noone there at this point. I honestly, don't remember what happened. So I called Krystle back because I felt bad and we have definitely called each other at odd times before. I really wish that it hadn't be so late so that we could have talked more because I'm freaking out about what my mom's possible reaction to my hair will be.
And today I'm also moving out of the dorms which saddens me greatly. :-( I'm gonna miss seeing everyone five days a week!!! Well I'd better go see if maybe I can fall asleep. Adios.
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Upset, worried, scared take your pick

Ok right now I should really be up in my room, my dorm room that is, sleeping. It's too early to be up and I am so tired. But at the same time my brain is running a mile a minute. I just don't want my mother to find out about my grades because frankly I'm not very pleased with them and if I'm not then she sure as hell won't be. And I wish she wouldn't be so controlling but *sighs* I don't know. I just hope that I'm getting myself all worked up for nothing and that everything will end up being ok. Well as far as I know I'm going to be staying here again, Monday night, something fun needs to happen I swear. Because I need to have some fun before I go to demon lady. I can't write anymore, I can't form very elaborate sentences. I also need major sister support....G-d I hope I make it through this week.
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Survey from Amber's LJ

WRATH
1. Who did you last get angry with? My mother for hurting me deeply as she always does. But I must say my brother is a close second.
2. What is your weapon of choice? spoon. blunt, painful, good for removing eyeballs.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? yes if said person deserved it and I was angry enough.
4. How about of the same sex? Again same answer as above.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? My dear mother.
6. What is your pet peeve? When people assume you aren't to be trusted, that you are stupid, that even at 19 you aren't capable of doing things on your own...ok so my mother is my pet peeve.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. It honestly all depends.

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Play the piano. I keep meaning to be faithful about practicing but I just haven't found the time.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 3pm i believe, but that's because I had been in Williamsburg for about five days with my seventh grade classmates and we didn't get any sleep or very little anyway.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Megaen
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "Jazz's cage does not need to be cleaned the stench is bearable." Ha it so never is. I almost barf when she leaves me presents.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? yes
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? *scratches head* Before the beginning of time! LOL! I don't know.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? once i think...

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? no freakin' clue
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? white
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? well i don't drink so yeah this question i can't answer.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? no
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? yes
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweets because I am a junk food addict.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? No, that's kinda frightening.

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Nada.
2. How many people have seen YOU naked? outside of family when i was little, no one. veeeeeery self-consious.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Not that I can recollect
4. Have you "done it"? have i had sex before? nope.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? eyes, lips i guess because nice smiles are good.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? nope
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? nope

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? nada
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Um, not one store in particular but going into toy stores is fun..teehee
3. If you had $1 dollars, what would you do with it? Yeah I'm pretty sure there was supposed to be some zeros at the end. One dollar doesn't do very much.
4. Would you rather be rich or famous? rich
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? yes. but i'd only keep it long enough to make the megabucks, then live off the megabucks until i could find a happy job
6. Have you ever stolen anything? I don't think a mint at a restaurant counts.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Nada.

PRIDE
1. What is one thing you have done that you're most proud of? helping friends through hard times
2. What is one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? my parents? proud of me?? ha ha ha ha ha. that's funny.
3. What is one thing would you like to accomplish in your life? i want to get through college doing quite well, become a teacher(or supervisor/principal), and help to get kids exicted about learning.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? a bit. i prefer coming in first.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? no, it's rare that i actually have more skill.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Been tempted to perhaps. Actually done it? No.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Made it through the day without yelling at my mother and pelting things at her.

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friend's would you most want to have for your own? i have some friends with REALLY nice cars...
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? i never really thought about it... any number of people in the chatham crew would be fun!
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Hopefully Benji from Good Charlotte doesn't have a girlfriend but if he does I want to be her!
4. Have you ever been cheated on? not that i'm aware of...
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? yeah, lots of them!
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? telling my mother to fuck off when she deserves it because really she does. She makes me feel like the dirt on the ground. Or worse.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? nooooo... it's not a too bad one though

FINALLY
What is your favorite deadly sin? WRATH!
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Lonely is not fun

So today was fairly uneventful. At least thus far. It was filled with chores around the house, taking care of the dogs, and going out to grab a bite to eat. We went to Hofstots which is in Oakmont. It's one of our favorite restaurants and has great food .We ended up taking a walk around that area which was fun.I did laugh a lot with Katie which is always enjoyable. My mother of course drove me up a wall but that's pretty much a given with my life. And my mother just brought me back not to long ago and our room is so lonely now!! It's hollow and so empty. It's like a hospital room. But hey at least I get a break from my mother which is always a good thing.I still don't know how I'm going to manage coping with her this summer.*sighs* I'm excited about Sarah's wedding! Yay fun. And my mom was pretty much insulting our crew except for Jean, Jessie, and Sarah. Everyone else, especially Krystle (whom she maintains she really likes) she gave me lip about. I of course wouldn't take it and told her everyone was wonderful and to stop. Not that she really listened but does she ever? I mean she harped about how Mary Cayte tells her parents oh so much and why don't I and it took all of my being not to lose patience with her. And then when I was driving home she had to correct me every step of the way which I hate. And she wonders why I don't like to drive a lot with her. Oy. Well I'm going to end here. Later!
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Sleepy oh so sleepy....

Ok so I don't know how often I will be able to to update during the summer but I will do my best. Thursday (or maybe this was Friday...I'm so sleepy and frazzled I don't know) but I got to eat with Allison, Katura, Krystle, and somewhat Ashley. So that was cool. And I got to spend Friday night at Chatham which was awesome. Then of course I had to get up for the art history final...I'm so glad that's over! And I got to eat lunch with Allison, Mitch, and Mary Cayte today (last night we all watched Fellowship of the Ring). Mary Cayte moved out today and she wanted to come back with her to the room when she packed but I didn't want to. First because no offense to her but I wanted to hang out with Allison and Mitch but also her parents just do not like me. So I eflt bad but I went with Allison and Mitch to watch 28 Days which has Viggo in it! I never knew that. And then my mom picked me up and I went to go sit for four kids. I have been baby-sitting for these four kids for a few years now. I love them dearly but they have so much freakin' energy. I'm so damn sleepy right now. I'm also feeling emotional. I'm gonna miss you guys! Seeing you five days a week I mean. We must hang out and Amber we musleep in touch! Sarah that's cool that you got your e-mail changed. Well my eyes are drooping so I'm going to end this here.