jelly_gun2007 (jelly_gun2007) wrote,

Feeling sick, sad, scared....

I'm quaking. Like a leaf. I'm sure part of it is do to the fact that I just don't feel well. But I'm also shaking because every minute, day whatever I have to worry that my mother will find something new to yell at me about. I have been getting relentless lectures as of late and agh. I'm also feeling emotional because for the first time in awhile I have gotten to read what has happened to everyone and know everyones reaction to the soap opera that is clearly my life. Amber, read your comment, and I'm pretty sure you are right. I shouldn't have gone back home. There is so much drama here that I no longer feel I can adequately handle. I try to put on a strong face as best I can but what I really need is a good break. No mother hounding me about how I'm a poor student, a murderer, a selfish person, and lastly she has labeled me a bitch. I just miss you all like crazy. And last night was especially hard because I really needed a hug and someone to cuddle up with but that wasn't possible. I try to be a peace maker and help my family and be supportive but I am one person. I no longer have the stamina to deal with my mother and frankly my sisters troubles. Right now I need me time to discover myself, find me. I know that since I'm young I won't ever completely find myself but you know what I need time away surrounded by people who really and truly love me....aka you guys. Dammit I'm in tears now. My mother pretty much told me that I need to get a backbone. Who knows. Maybe I do. I'm more aggressive than I used to be but I still have to work on being more so. *bawls* G-d I really need you guys. Why is life so unfair??? I need help.

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